My Last Days

“And if our always is all that we gave and if some day, you take that away, I’ll be all right, if it was just till St. Patricks Day.” –John Mayer

Someone once told me that she found Mayer to be shallow. Given what I knew of her life, the poor choices made and the bad situations she continually put herself into, its no surprise that Mayer’s lyrics came out to lack the depth, especially the depth of pain, that this woman felt in her daily life.

The song I quoted, St. Patricks Day, speaks to those of us who have lived through the full cycle of a relationship, using the different holidays during the fall, winter and spring as a metaphor for what is happening with the couple. “No way November will see our good-bye” because this is the beginning of our relationship. We’re just starting out and things are great. “When it comes to December, its obvious why, no one wants to be alone at Christmas time,” is when the deep growth, the shared experiences and the bonding of family occurs. “And come January we’re frozen inside, making new resolutions a 100 time.” The good times just don’t always last, but there is a period where we regroup, do some thinking, decide to change a few things about how this is going, but keep it going. “February won’t you be my Valentine.” The thaw from winter’s icy grip has occurred and there is tranquility from the rocky past and the further rocky times to come. And then finally, the quote that started this all off, that if we can make the relationship last until spring, a time of new beginnings, then we’ll all be ok.

It occurs to me, as I prepare for a new relationship with a new company, that these words apply to more than just interpersonal relationships. When did I get hired with Lexmark? November, when I was fresh out of college, ready to try my first dip at corporate culture, to see if I really was cut out for a regular job. December was the time where I was being stretched in so many ways, most of which I didn’t realize needed stretching. It was different, but it really bonded me with my company. January came about three years into the job, when I was completely fed up with what I was doing and just wanted out. It still strikes me as odd at how, at just the right time, a new internal position opened up that was perfect for me. That brings us to February, and my love affair was back on. The new job was going great, I was doing something I loved, learning so much and making such an impact. Flowers were blooming, birds were singing and I had a twinkle in my eye.

Sadly, that just did not last. I guess that it never really does. Seven and a half years of my life here and now I see my first St. Patricks Day. Tomorrow marks the end of a long season of my life and the beginning of another one. It seems like I’m skipping summer, but I know it was in there somewhere. I know that this new November will probably be just as rocky and exciting as the last one, that I will find myself struggling to survive and thrive, but I think I’m ready for a new corporate love affair.