So, I’m starting the dishwasher in my kitchen, when what catches my eye? Yes, that would be the calendar hanging on the wall. Perusing the activities of the last month, I realize that July is nearly gone and August is approaching at a speed close to that of a passing comet. That means my birthday will be here soon. My 30th birthday, to be precise.
Eight days remain to me in my 20s. Nine days from now I switch to a new decade. Bizarre does not even begin to describe the feelings going through me at this moment. I remember going from 19 to 20, thinking how weird it was to no longer be a teenager, that I was getting older, and the only thing good about it was that I was one year closer to being 21. When I was 25, I decided that I would refuse to grow older as the last hurdle to adulthood, the lowering of car insurance rates, was now behind me.
At 26 and a half, I decided that I would be married by 28. I was single, and would pretty much remain so until I was almost 29 and a half. Now, I’m nearly 30, and while I really like my girlfriend and want to continue our relationship, I don’t see what hurry I was in to be married three and a half years ago.
So, seeing the short duration remaining to me while a crazy 20 year-old, I resolved to do something crazy. I mean a drastic statement; something that could possibly get me killed and make people wonder exactly how much sanity remained within me. Sadly, I am unable to actually think of anything that would qualify as fitting to that vow. Exactly how old have I become when insane actions are no longer second nature to my brain?
Insanity now seems to need boundaries. I can’t do anything to screw up my ability to perform my new job, so no long, spontaneous road-trips. I can’t just drop everything and fly to someplace I’ve never been. What would happen if work decided I suddenly needed to be on the opposite coast?
Well, lets go back to that college staple of blowing something up!!! Wait, no, I haven’t done that in 8 years and it really seems quite pedestrian now. Seriously, what was so cool about putting toilet bowl cleaner and aluminum foil in a 2-liter bottle and watching it expand until it ruptured? (Ok, I still think its cool, just not as cool as I thought it then.)
Or what about the other college staple of flashing my ass to any random stranger? Its the return of everyone’s favorite super hero, Naked Boy!!! Well, naked middle-aged guy, the one with the love handles and hairy back just doesn’t have the same ring… except to the randy late middle-aged biker with whom I would be sharing a cell down at the county lockup, after the cops picked me up for indecent exposure. Not my idea of a good ‘date’.
S0, it seems as if my big statement as I exit my 20s would be writing this blog entry. Pretty sad, really. Oh well, maybe something will come to me soon, but somehow I really doubt it. I thought it was only the body that was starting to balk at stupid gestures but it seems as if the mind is locking down the hatches, too.
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